Motoring like Night Ranger

As we all know, men have an innate, almost hypnotic fixation with motorboating a nice pair of breasts. It is one of the few natural instincts a human male is born with to help him survive. To help him survive you say? Yes, I mean that, and save your questions for the end please. It is, in fact, essential to the perpetuation of the human species that encourageable young men go face down in a heaving hoard of blouse bunnies, and slap them against his cheeks like a nun's ruler.

There is a completely real scientific function for this, and not something I have made up to be funny. Ask any doctor. Hell, ask this doctor to save time. He will tell you that motorboating activates the milk ducts from natural catharsis in the mammory glands, thus allowing future lactation to occur to invibe the young (trust me, this is much hotter than it sounds). This delicious activity allows the female to nourish her future mammilan offspring and pass on the genetic code for her McGuffys for future generations to enjoy.

That was a rather laborious explaination, was it not...

Well as you know, we here at Pen15 are about helping people(keep it real), so as of today, motorboating is one of our priorities. Let the word spread from this day forth, that motorboarding is a wonderful and beautiful thing. However, as legions of douchebags getting arrested for breaking into the girl's shower at freshmen dorms have shown us, there is a right way, and awrong way to handle the natural miracle of motorboating. So, as part of Pen15's first philanthropic mission about tits, we will help you learn the do's, and dis-not-undo's of motorboating.

THE WRONG WAY

The primary way that guys do this wrong is by failing to gain consent. This is just fun for no one. Motorboating is one of the most beautiful and natural processes in the world, but it needs to occur in an environment of love and trust. It is just like any special intimate encounter with a woman, it has to be handled with love and care. Much in the same way youwould not insert a series of colorful anal beads on your sister's best friend when she comes to my nephew's birthday party, you do not face dive into her chesticles.

Despite what the 25 beers you drank tonight are telling you, the buxom latina in the bar does not want you to shove your drool covered, bright-red face into her crop top, have you smear all of the grease from your hot wings in there, then pull out and shout WOOOO! into her face with the decibal strength of the space shuttle blasting off. I have a feeling your boys don't want you to do that either, because they got the fuck out of the bar when the overly-aggressive guy at the bar (who thinks he is a bad ass because he started on a small college football team) who has been buying her drinks starts reigning vicious blows on your face.

Chances are that guy motorboated her that night. Chivalry is everything in motorboating. Most chicks are old fashioned that way.

THE RIGHT WAY

When you meet the right girl, and you are comfortable with each other, and you trust each other, the idea of motorboating may cross your mind. Politely ask her if this is something she may be interested in. She may be shy, but usually that can be overcome by saying "Awww, c'mon baby" a few times. Ask her if it is her first time. If so, you will want to be very gentle with her.

Place your face on an exposed portion of skin on her chest (the amount does not matter). Once you have reached aplace where you are both comfortable, yell out "THESE TITTYS ARE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER B...BBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRR" Be sure to shake your cheeks against her breasts like they are on fire while saying this. To finish, smash the breasts together against your face as hard as possible, then pull away. Always finish with eye contact and a firm handshake.

I must also add this final part; motorboating should not be restricted at large-breasted women. Motorboating the itty-bitty titty federation can be just as fun. If you ever find yourself in a motorboating position with a small chested girl like an Asian or teenage gymnast, the same rules still apply. Just pay more attention to the nipples, since that is where they will have the most fun. Try to get one in each ear as possible.

Beleive it or not, there is hope for these girls