I hope this doesn't sound familiar

Here at Pen15, we are all about the ladies. In fact, few things are more satisfying to a woman than a Pen15 man. However, some of those without Pen15 in their life do not have such luck with the ladies. Unfortunately, more and more of these men are turning to internet dating. My research has uncovered that from 2005 to 2007, 200 billion Americans registered on an internet dating site.

Now you may be wondering, "Bill, what do you care about guys internet dating? Are they taking chicks from you or something?" My response to that would be "no" or "do I know you? How do you know my name?". My concern about internet dating is twofold: One, it lowers women's expectations, and two, it is all a big lie.

About lowering women's expectations, this is a minor concern, but it could have a snowball effect. Even attractive women, beleive it or not, have dabbled in internet dating, and they can even make connections with men in this way. The problem is that these are unattractive men. No attractive man has ever tried internet dating, unless they have a horrible personality disorder or a prison record. These unattractive men go on to make connections with attractive women, which disrupts the natural balance of the universe (unless said unattractive man is worth seven figures plus). Then, when these attractive women unleash the bitchy tendancies that all attractive women have on Tubby McAcne internet guy....they take it. They take it like champs. They are so grateful to have a woman with a full set of teeth and no cankles, they will take any shit a woman can dish out.

However, the biggest problem with internet dating is that it is all a big lie. We all know that we lie to women we are interested in. You have lied to a woman before. You have told her little white lies, like "I hate video games", "I love James Blunt", "I think trans-fats are bad", "of course I am not addicted to internet porn", "I wouldn't say I was stalking her, per-se", and "No I didn't put anything in your drink last night".

Internet dating, however, is based on huge lies. Huge lies like "I have a job". Internet dating allows the pasty, unsociable men of this world an outlet to talk to women outside of buying stamps. They know no one will love them for who they are, so they completely make shit up to attract a woman. All of a sudden, a guy who spends his time playing World of Warcraft and writing Lord of the Rings fan-fiction is a firefighter who volunteers at the animal shelter on the weekends.

Of course, the ladies lie as well, but they are usually inconsequential lies like "I thought I told you I had kids".

Here at Club Pen 15, we want to discourage young men from pursing love in this fashion. Of course, we may be putting the cart before the horse here; they internet date because they are losers, but they can't get real dates for the same reason. The key is to convince a guy to stop being a loser. That is more difficult than it sounds. You can't beat a guy's ass to make him stop being a loser; I have tried and failed many times.

The key to this problem, as is the key to many problems, is the slump buster. The slump buster is the woman who makes up for her lack of asthetic appeal with a total willingness to do anything with anyone. The internet dating loser will try and hit on the hottest woman he can find on the internet, but he is doing the completely wrong thing. He should be putting it to the ugliest woman he can find in real life.

Eventually, the man will grow disgusted with slumpbuster secks, but that is to be expected. Remember, if you are starving to death, you won't refuse a meal because there is a hair on it. However, the less hungry you get, the less hair you are willing to eat. The loser will realize what he is missing, put down the 20 sided dice, and go after a higher caliber of woman. Then he will be a Pen15 man.